Fertility Out Loud | How to Deal

How to deal

Navigating fertility challenges is already so hard. Dealing with people’s insensitive comments makes it even harder. That’s why we want to help! We’re offering tips and advice from the community on how to handle hurtful remarks. For you or your loved ones, we also created guides that can help you feel more prepared and help them know what you’re going through and how to support you.

They said what!?

Let’s face it, sometimes our friends and family can say things that get under our skin, which can make it hard to spend time with them. We hear you! That’s why our OUT LOUD INSIDERS are sharing some of the most outrageous questions or comments they’ve received and how they dealt with it.

Christina Rodriguez, @christinanrodriguez

The truth of the matter is
that as we age our fertility is impacted, but being
reminded is insensitive and
not helpful. Beyond that,
the age that fertility
challenges occur can vary
from person to person. This
isn’t one size fits all...!

Jess Oakes, @jessicasoakes

People don’t say this to be mean, but it’s difficult to
hear when you’re doing
everything to get pregnant.
Education is your key here.
Say something like ‘Wow,
that’s incredible, but please
know comments like that
are really hard to hear when
you can’t get pregnant—
with or without trying.’

Victoria Nino, @expectinganything

Because I used an egg donor, many people are confused
about whose baby it is. My
typical response is ‘Yes, it is
my baby. My daughter
shares genetics with our
donor, but the mothering is
ALL me. I grew my
daughter’s embryo from a
tiny speck to a healthy baby
and have nurtured and loved
her ever since.’

Help them help you

Most people don’t realize they’re being hurtful when they say or ask insensitive things. So, use those situations to set boundaries. Swipe through common phrases and questions that can help communicate to your community why certain remarks aren’t okay and suggest how they can better support you.

Help us spread the word! Download each slide to post on your Instagram and Facebook story—and don’t forget to tag @fertilityoutloud


Being a mom has nothing to do with biology or
the path we choose. During this time, we’d love your support for us and our journey.


Everyone’s journey is different—the decision of who
will carry is up to my partner and me alone. Instead,
you can share our excitement, and ask me how I’m
feeling about this next step.

My journey is personal.

You have no idea the avenues I’ve explored so far. There
are lots of different options like IUI, IVF, surrogacy,
and yes, adoption…but maybe we just aren’t there yet.


You don’t know if I’ve been trying for a while or
problems I may be facing. Frankly, it’s no
business. Instead, let me come to you with
that news.

Please stop saying this.

No one likes being told to “relax”; it’s not helpful.
instead of SAYING it, help me DO it by
to hang out or go for dinner, or by just letting me vent.

This one is hard to hear.

Conceiving naturally may not happen for me, but that
doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be a parent. This journey
takes a lot of strength and that
should be celebrated.

Secondary infertility is a very
real and common thing.

Everyone’s dream of what their family looks like is
different. I’m still determined to make
mine a reality.

This is exhausting.

I’d love nothing more than to be a part of the “parenting
woes” club. So, please stop trying to show me the silver
lining; it feels like you’re
writing off my pain.

Dealing, together

When it comes down to it, we all just want to feel supported. Sometimes that means educating ourselves or our partners and loved ones. These guides were made to help you better understand the process, and to let those around you know how they can support you on your journey.

10 Ways to Be a Supportive Partner

Send your partner these tips on how they can better be there for you throughout the journey

Understanding My Fertility Journey

Educate loved ones on the treatments and procedures you may experience and how they may make you feel

Inclusive Fertility Options

Learn about the different options you might hear
about as you start the fertility process

Common LGBTQ+ Fertility Terms

Understand common LGBTQ+ treatment & testing
terms that you may encounter

We’ve got your back!

The journey is easier with a supportive community. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram to hear more advice and connect with people who know what you’re going through.

Fertility Out Loud