My Fertility Journey: A Letter to My Daughter

The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your doctor for the most appropriate treatment.

To my daughter, 

I loved you even before you came to be in your Mom’s tummy. I dreamt of you and wondered what little soul would hopefully be coming into our lives. 

I imagined you and your beautiful personality lighting up our world. When I pictured the cheerful smile that you would get from Mommy, I could not help but smile, too. I also could not help but wonder if you would resemble me at all, since a kind donor would be helping Mom and Dad meet you. 

Because I was born in a female body and transitioning to male, we needed to figure out how you would be conceived. After talking with your Mommy, I made a personal decision to not pass my own genetics to you. This was not easy, but I didn’t want anything to stop me from meeting you because I truly loved and wanted you before you were born.

I knew using the very uterus I wanted out of me to carry a baby, or having to stop my hormone replacement to retrieve eggs, would do me more harm than good. So when Mommy and Daddy decided to start our journey to meet you, we searched high and low for a donor who was perfect for our family and resembled me in some sort of way. 

We were so excited to meet you, so when we received the donor’s gift, we started trying right away. Somehow the stars aligned that day and Mom became pregnant with you on the first try. I couldn’t help but smile and rejoice because there was a time in my life when I couldn’t picture my future family with you and Mommy. I did not believe having a family of my own was possible. 

I did not believe having
a family of my own
was possible.

Even after finding your Mom and creating a loving partnership, bringing a child into the mix felt too hard and unattainable. I had never seen anyone like me with a family. There was no queer representation in my life, let alone any transgender representation, and I didn’t know fertility options were even a thing. I didn’t know things could be different. The home I knew growing up was not filled with unconditional love, and I did not feel safe or accepted for who I was. All I knew was this experience, so I didn’t feel worthy of being loved or having a family to call my own. 

The thought of having you as my daughter didn’t even seem conceivable. I am extremely thankful I was wrong, because I now know having a family of my own is more than possible. I know I, and all queer individuals, are worthy of being loved and having a family regardless of what others may think. I am forever grateful you have come into our lives, baby girl. You were a missing piece that I did not know was missing. 

I cannot fathom a life without you in it, as the very thought breaks my heart. I can only hope to do good by you, my girl, and make sure you always feel loved, safe, supported, and accepted for who you are. You have changed my life for the better. Thank you for making me a dad. I love you to infinity and beyond, forever and always.

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