The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and should not be considered medical advice.
Always consult your doctor for the most appropriate treatment. Trigger warning: miscarriage
My journey started in 2017, and I had no idea what the road up ahead would entail.
In 2019, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, hydrosalpinx (damaged fallopian tubes), diminished ovarian reserve/low AMH (anti-mullerian hormone), and fibroids. Hearing about all the different things that were contributing to the reason I was not getting pregnant was so hard for me. I had a feeling for a while that something was off, but since I was told year after year in my youth that the monthly pain I was experiencing was “normal” and not actually having anyone look further into my symptoms, I ignored what I was feeling until I couldn’t anymore.
I ignored what I was feeling until I couldn’t anymore.
Hearing from my fertility specialist that those things were not normal and having him get to the root of the problem was a blessing and a heartbreak all at the same time.
My first round of IVF in 2020 resulted in two eggs at retrieval. Because of my diminished ovarian reserve diagnosis, I was happy to have the two. Both eggs fertilized normally, but unfortunately, only one made it to blastocyst and was PGS (preimplantation genetic screening) tested and frozen. We learned that our one and only embryo came back normal, and we were able to find out the gender—a precious girl!
Between retrieval and embryo transfer in September 2020, we were quarantined due to the pandemic, and I also had two additional surgeries—one for a fibroid and another for scar tissue. We transferred our one and only embryo in September, and everything was progressing normally—until it wasn’t.
At our 7-week ultrasound, there was no heartbeat, and unfortunately, I was experiencing a missed miscarriage. That was such a difficult time for my husband and me because we had already been through so much to get to that point.
For our second round of IVF, I decided that using donor eggs would be the best route for us and for my mental health. Not only were we lucky enough to receive financial support for this round, but we ended up with 5 embryos to freeze! That was such a blessing because the year before, we only had one.
We prepared for an August 2021 transfer, and we were so very hopeful that this would be our time. Our transfer was successful, and then came the 2-week wait. On day 9, post-transfer, we got the wonderful news that we were pregnant, and we were so excited to hear those words. However, we were still nervous about the 7-week ultrasound appointment as we were met with disappointment just the year before.
To our surprise, we heard not one but TWO strong heartbeats! Our embryo had split, and we were having twins. We couldn’t believe the news, and we were so eager to share it with our family and friends. Unfortunately, that excitement came to a halt a week later when we learned that both twins’ hearts stopped beating. We were faced with another miscarriage and more grief to follow.
Just like before, grief comes in waves. For me, I had and am still having to just ride the waves.
For me, I had and am still having to just ride the
Between my husband, therapy, faith, family and friends, and the Instagram fertility community, I have been making it through. We are still hopeful that our time will come, and we will see what the next transfer brings.
During my time of healing, I’ve also been pouring my energy into my business, where I encourage and inspire others who are experiencing fertility struggles. It has brought me so much joy and fulfillment during this time and has connected me with so many women through sharing my journey. I’ve learned that the difficult things we experience are not just for us and our greater purpose, but to also help others. I pray that my journey to motherhood inspires and encourages others on the same journey. To my fellow warriors, I see you and I’m with you.