Two Moms & An IVF Baby | Fertility Out Loud

Our Fertility Journey: Two Moms & An IVF Baby

The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your doctor, or a mental health professional, for the most appropriate treatment.

Our parenthood journey has been nothing short of incredible and exciting, but we’d be lying if we didn’t say it has also been a little overwhelming at times. 

As a lesbian couple who wanted to start a family, even initiating the process felt so daunting, as there seemed to be so many extra steps involved. Not to mention it can be pretty expensive. After having an initial consultation with a fertility clinic and gathering information on our own, we ultimately decided on reciprocal IVF, thinking it would be magical to each carry the other’s genetic child.

We ultimately decided on reciprocal IVF, thinking it would be magical to each carry the other’s genetic child.

After a few months of combing through sperm banks, we chose our perfect sperm donor, and prepped for our simultaneous egg retrievals. The numerous appointments, ultrasounds, and injections were hard, but we knew it would all be worth it when we would each have embryos genetically linked to us. 

This is where our fertility journey took an unexpected turn: Whitney’s egg retrieval did not go according to plan and she ended up with no viable embryos. This news was heartbreaking, and it took a minute to wrap our heads around it. 

At the same time, we received the results that Alex had four genetically healthy embryos and we could move forward with an embryo transfer. We decided Whitney would carry Alex’s embryo for the first pregnancy. That’s where our fertility journey took another sharp turn. 

Whitney’s transfer was complicated by anatomical issues and the first embryo transfer was unsuccessful. The doctor advised us that any future transfers for Whitney would likely end with the same result. Whitney had to process not only her unsuccessful egg retrieval, but also the news that she’d likely never carry a pregnancy. 

We decided that a family was always the end goal, and it really didn’t matter who our kids came from or how they got here. All that mattered is that we were able to have the family that we had been dreaming of for so long. 

We moved forward with an embryo transfer with Alex that went incredibly smoothly and she became pregnant on that very first transfer. Her pregnancy was fairly uneventful and we welcomed our perfectly healthy little boy nine months later. It was a long delivery, but Whitney was actually the one to deliver him—a moment we will both treasure forever! 

Motherhood has been the most wonderful and rewarding experience. No one talks about how loving something so deeply and intensely is the most special yet scariest feeling! 

We’ve realized you can’t protect your little one from everything, and that’s been the toughest lesson to learn as new mothers. It really opens up a part of you that you never knew existed, and we are both constantly learning new things about ourselves now that we’ve taken on this new role. 

We can be exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed at times—but man, it is so worth it. We say this with the utmost certainty, as we sit here writing this, watching him crawl around the house chasing our cat. We absolutely love and adore our little guy and we’d do every single bit of it again for him!

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