My Fertility Journey: A Long-Awaited Rainbow Baby Through IVF
The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your doctor for the most appropriate treatment.
Infertility. Such an unassuming word with so much power. I wish I could say this is going to be a happy, peppy story about infertility and in vitro fertilization (IVF), but unfortunately, those experiences were hard. Despite the pain, it was all worth it.
This is my wife Morgan’s story.
When my wife and I started this journey as a lesbian couple, we knew the obvious. We couldn’t make a baby the “old-fashioned way.” We knew we’d face more challenges than straight couples.
Going into this journey, IVF was never even a consideration for us. My wife would say, “There is no way we’re doing IVF.”
So, after discussing what was best for us and had the highest chance of working, my wife decided she was going to try to get pregnant. After doing some research, we noticed most lesbian couples typically try intrauterine insemination (IUI).
After 2 rounds of failed IUIs, and thousands of dollars later, we decided to try at-home insemination. We did a total of 10 rounds of at-home insemination. We tried medicated rounds, which would force her to ovulate so we knew we were timing it right, and unmedicated rounds using ovulation tests and checking the cervix position. We did 4 rounds with a known donor and 6 with sperm from a cryobank.
Through all 12 rounds total—medicated, unmedicated, shots, “turkey baster method,” in a fertility clinic with a doctor, by ourselves at home, known donor or cryobank sperm—we had 2 rounds with positive tests. Those tests shortly turned negative.
“Why don’t you just adopt?” “Maybe you’re not meant to be a mother.” “Just relax, then you’ll get pregnant.”
These comments tortured my wife. Through one of the most trying times of her life, to receive comments like this was heartbreaking. She continued to rely on the support of those going through similar journeys.
She continued to rely on the support of those going through similar journeys.
We realized we had to turn to IVF. Morgan was given the diagnosis: unexplained infertility. “We just don’t know what’s wrong,” is what our doctors said.
So, we saved up like crazy, and started this IVF journey. As her wife, watching her go through this experience was anything but pleasant. It was also extremely expensive. We have one of the best insurance plans, and nothing was covered for us. I watched my wife poke herself with 2-3 shots each day prior to her egg retrieval, then continue with 2 each day, including an intramuscular shot that she had to keep doing throughout the remainder of IVF. The journey from start to finish was a more than 3-month process of pain, anxiety, and waiting. A shot in the dark, when we had no idea if it would even work.
At 7:00 PM on March 2nd, 2 days after her transfer, we got that second pink line on a pregnancy test. We were ecstatic, of course, but scared. Everyone talks about how incredible pregnancy is, but no one talks about pregnancy after loss and what a lonely experience it can be. Morgan is now 31 weeks pregnant with our son, who we pray will arrive this November 2023.
Pregnancy has been rough on her, with some days being great, but some being filled with anxiety, home Doppler checks, and elective ultrasounds.
“Is this feeling normal?” “Why am I cramping?” “Is he okay?”
We are grateful for our little rainbow baby, and when I ask Morgan, she does say, “It was all worth it to have him.”
This excerpt is not to make anyone sad, or discourage them from trying IUI or IVF, but rather to inform those who know someone trying to conceive that this journey is not easy. It is painful physically, mentally, and emotionally. Some people experience this pain quietly, due to the stigma that if you can’t get pregnant there’s “something wrong with you.”
Check on your friends and family members going through this. And if you have infertility, or if you’ve experienced loss, you are NOT alone. You are valid for every emotion you have experienced. If you want to keep trying, keep going. If you’re ready to stop trying, that is valid, too.
