A Fertility Survival Plan for the Holidays
The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your doctor, or a mental health professional, for the most appropriate treatment.
When you think of the holiday season, what comes to mind? Family gatherings. Great food. Seeing friends. Reminiscing about holidays and times past.
But when you’re struggling to get pregnant, and experiencing infertility, holidays often mean being surrounded by kids and conversations about kids, and being asked, again and again, when you are going to have them.
These conflicting feelings can make holidays tough for those struggling to conceive, especially if you are going through fertility treatment like in vitro fertilization (IVF). You have 2 related goals for the upcoming holiday events: to experience the positive, joyful parts of the celebrations and festivities and to avoid as many of the painful moments as possible.
Achieving these goals requires that you create a plan in advance. So, as you bake your pumpkin pie and wrap Christmas your gifts, spend some time coming up with your holiday survival plan.
Here is a holiday survival guide for when you’re trying to have a baby
1. Prioritize self-care and take especially good care of yourself during this time of year. Get enough sleep and enjoy the holiday foods and drinks.
2. Look back at last year and determine what part of the holiday was the hardest. What may have upset you? Make a plan for how you are going to handle those situations this year. Avoid them entirely? Limit your time? Think about the good times too: what can you look forward to?
3. Talk to your own family members, friends and loved ones about how the holidays feel for you. Say up front that it isn’t their fault and they didn’t make you feel this way. For example, you could say something like, “I find it hard when the conversation is always about the grandkids.”
4. Consider changing the way you celebrate the holidays this year. Instead of the traditional holiday gatherings, go camping or to Portland or Paris for the weekend. Go out to dinner with friends rather than doing the big family holiday celebration. Join your family for dinner in the new year after the holiday.
5. Start a new holiday tradition and volunteer on the day of the holiday itself (serving meals at a homeless shelter or playing bingo at a nursing home). If your work needs people over the holiday, sign up to cover the time. It’s a kind gesture, and hopefully your coworkers and boss will take notice. They may remember it the next time you ask for a favor.
6. Plan something that you are particularly looking forward to. Book a mani-pedi followed by a massage or plan dinner at an exclusive restaurant you’ve wanted to try.
7. Make a date to get together with your siblings or cousins away from their children that will allow time for a more meaningful visit.
8. If you know you might react badly when under stress, decide in advance how you want to respond to comments and questions about your fertility journey. Tell someone who can serve as your mini support group during these difficult moments.
9. Consider shutting off your social media apps over this time period, as seeing pregnancy announcements or other people’s family portraits can be especially hard on your mental health during this time. Your own well-being is what matters most, and taking a social media break may help.
10. Make sure you incorporate the events that are meaningful or joyful to you into your plans. Do not let your fertility challenges stop you from celebrating in a way that works best for you.
